


Please...just leave me alone

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Child Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 14:37:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11648628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: Robert just wants to be left alone, or he thinks he does.





	Please...just leave me alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is a response to a prompt and it's what my brain came up with. I haven't posted it as a new chapter of the tumblr fills because I felt it needed its own tags.

“Robert, come back to the house, it’s cold out here.” Victoria put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Rob?” she’s crying, has been all day, all week. He wishes he could, wishes he could feel anything but emptiness and bone crunching sadness.

“Come on mate, nothing you can do here.”

Dragging his gaze away from the mound of earth that he’s knelt in front of to look at them both, Adam’s arm tight around Victoria. They’ve been back together for a few weeks and he’s glad, of course he is but it just reminds him of how much he had, how much he’s lost. He so nearly had everything and now he’s got nothing.

Nothing they could do, they said, too much damage, just too late. That’s all he heard, too late. If he’d been quicker, if he’d got there, if he hadn’t ignored his phone, maybe he wouldn’t be alone.

“Take her home, Adam.”

“Robert!”

“Vic, just go.” He couldn’t be around anyone, couldn’t hear their condolences, couldn’t face the stares, some full of pity, some full of accusations. He can do enough of both himself he doesn’t need anyone else to do it for him. That’s why he came back here. He knows he failed, could have done more no matter what anyone says. Seeing she hasn’t moved he looks up again, “Please!”

“Don’t stay here all day, alright.” He nods.

He hears the gravel crunching under their footsteps as finally he’s left in peace. He shifts so he’s sitting, legs folded under him, the cold seeping into him, fingers grabbing onto frozen grass. 

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t get there, couldn’t help, I tried, I did, I swear. I did want you. I know it took me a long time, I could have been better. I would have been better, for you. I don’t always keep my promises, anyone round here would tell you but I would have tried so hard for you…” He swipes a hand over his face feeling the dampness from the tears that have leaked from his eyes. “I’ve messed up so many times but you, you were going to be different. In the end it didn’t matter, I failed you like I fail everyone else.”

“No you didn’t.” That voice makes him look up sees Aaron standing there looking like he wants to be anywhere else. He’s in his black suit, tie pulled loose and Robert frowns, hadn’t seen him in the church. Then again he hadn’t taken in anything but the tiny, too small coffin at the front of the church. “You didn’t fail him, you couldn’t.”

“You were there?”

“Yeah, in the back.” He sighed, looking at the sky, grey and dark. Robert was glad, a sunny day wasn’t right, not for this. “You’re going to freeze out here.”

“I don’t care. You don’t have to stay.”

“You shouldn’t be on your own. Not today.” He flinches when Aaron’s hand lands on his shoulder. He’s waited months for his touch. Even a week ago he would have gone to the ends of the earth for Aaron to want to be near him. Now it feels like another reminder of just how much he’s lost.

“I...Aaron, please...just leave me alone. I can’t...” He can’t bear Aaron seeing him like this, upset about the baby that he’d come to love so much but at the same time had cost him everything.

“That never worked on you when I was hurting, why do you think it would work on me.” He gets down on the ground and kneels next to him. “Look, I don’t have the first idea exactly how you’re feeling but...knowing you you’re blaming yourself. That I do know about.”

“Of course I’m blaming myself!”

“You didn’t cause that car to crash into Rebecca’s. There’s nothing you could have done, and that doesn’t help one bit right now, I know, but it’s the truth.”

Robert doesn’t say anything just goes back to the staring at the pile of earth. He wants to believe him, doesn’t want to feel like this anymore, like his heart has been ripped out. He doesn’t understand why Aaron is here, why he’s staying, after all that’s happened, all the hurt Robert’s caused. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Do you think I would have been a good Dad?” He asks, like a child needing reassurance of something. He doesn’t know why it matters, he’s not going to get the chance to find out.

“Yeah, I do. You were.”

“I didn’t even get twenty four hours. Not even a day of being a Dad before it all disappeared.” At least he had that, Rebecca didn’t. Something else he feels guilty about, no matter what Aaron said.

“You’re still his Dad, you always will be.”

“I lose everyone, Aaron. Maybe that’s the universe’s way of telling me something.” He can’t help look across the graveyard. There are too many of his family members here.

“Hey, no. Vic’s still here, and Diane. I’m still here.” That makes Robert look up. “I am. Just because we’re apart doesn’t mean I don’t care anymore. You have people around you, stop shutting them out. Let us help.” He shakes his head, swipes away more tears.

“I don’t deserve anyone’s help, not after the mess I’ve made.”

“Well you don’t get to decide that. Come on, you’re not helping him by sitting here and freezing.” He gets to his feet, holds out a hand. Hesitating, Robert doesn’t move. “Come on.”

“I can’t go back to Vic’s, can’t face ‘em, not yet.”

“You don’t have to. Liv’s out, come back with me, just for a bit. You shouldn’t be on your own.” Defeated he holds out his hand and Aaron helps pull him to his feet. He takes one more look down at the grave taking a deep breath, wondering what he did to deserve someone like Aaron in his life.

“Sleep tight, beautiful boy.”


End file.
